Um. . . Happy Birthday?

– Posted in: White Lies Biting You in the Ass, Worst Mom Moments

This story about white lies gone bad comes from writer/photographer Vickie Sehy, who blogs at Nature’s Details (www.vmsehyphotography.blogspot.com).  You’ll see that Vickie has an eye for the odd, the beautiful, and the small.  Anyway, see if you can get through her story without wincing just a little.  Ah, the things we do for our children.

I am the world’s worst liar.  If I even try it, the universe will trip me up in about five nano seconds.  That would be understandable if I were trying to pass myself off as the Queen of England or some similar massive fraudulent enterprise.  Nope.  This extends to white lies.  Don’t ask me if something makes your hips look big.  Much like most males on this planet, I can’t answer that diplomatically.  I’m surprised I was able to play along with the tooth fairy thing for as long as I did.  And I was very grateful that my kid never did take to Santa Claus.

The problem with that, is some white lies need to be told as a way to save our sanity.  For instance, I recently lost my mother.  This sorrowful event took place on my son’s ninth birthday of all days.  My husband and I made the decision to fudge a bit and say she passed on that Monday, the day after his birthday.  That lasted a week.  I was sorting through all the paperwork I brought back from my trip home, when I ran across my mom’s obituary.  My son was curious as to what it was, so I explained that when you die, people put a write up in the paper.  He seemed to think it was cool that his grandma ended up in the paper.  I told him that he could read it if he wanted to, and it wasn’t too sad for him to do so.  Yeah, never mind the date of the death is in there.  SIGH.  The first thing he said was, “Grandma died on my birthday?”  Aw, crap.  Well, yes, she did.  We just decided to blur the lines a little because that might be too upsetting for you.  “Why?”  Well, because some people would be sad that their loved one died on their birthday.  Their birthday would be cause for sadness not celebration.  “Huh.”  Does it bother you that Grandma died on your birthday?  “No.”  Good.  I just figured that we would just focus on the fact that it’s your birthday and have a happy day instead of worrying about Grandma’s death.  Glad you’re fine and psychologically healthy.

This is where it ends up biting me in the seat so to speak.  “So did you lie to Dad?”  Argh!  Rock, hard place.  If the answer is yes, there goes MY credibility.  If the answer is no, there goes OUR credibility.  I decided to reiterate what I’d said earlier.  No, Dad knew the date.  We decided that we should say it was Monday in case it was too sad for you to lose your Grandma on your birthday.

Just goes to show how we can underestimate our children’s ability to handle the tougher events in life.  I just hope he doesn’t end up using it to play the moody artist when he’s older.  Some sort of misguided attempt to get girls by playing the pity card.

5 Comments… add one

Crystal September 13, 2010, 1:52 pm

“Just goes to show how we can underestimate our children's ability to handle the tougher events in life.” Well-said. Kids can handle a lot more than us, and while lying is necessary in life (did you ever smoke pot, etc), it's hard to imagine those little babies being able to offer us support.

Karyn September 14, 2010, 5:47 pm

I keep telling my kids that we may get away with lies initially but eventually the truth will come out and then your credibility is in question. Obviously my kids are older than yours but it's so true … the best policy is always to tell the truth. Even if the truth hurts at first.

VM Sehy Photography September 14, 2010, 8:13 pm

Thank you for featuring my story. And thank you to your followers for their kind comments.

While I have never done any messing around with mind altering substances, I do have a few dark secrets from my past that I will be keeping from my kid. At least I don't forsee any situation that might arise where I will be tripped up in the future. I do OK with lies of omission. I just never open my mouth.

PartlySunny September 15, 2010, 10:45 am

I'm a fan of lies of omission. The other day, the kids asked me why we had the flag up (Sept. 11th). I said it was because a lot of people died, and then I said, “Hey, look at that big, fluffy dog!” So I guess that's omission with distraction.

Karyn April 7, 2011, 12:31 am

I keep telling my kids that we may get away with lies initially but eventually the truth will come out and then your credibility is in question. Obviously my kids are older than yours but it's so true … the best policy is always to tell the truth. Even if the truth hurts at first.

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